I am torn. Torn between the beauty of holding this secret and the glory of the news it contains. Should I mention what I know or keep it quiet for even longer than I already have?
Sure, a few close friends and immediate family members know. Or at least, they've heard a small part of the story. But yet I feel this is a season of waiting, watching, and hoping.
I've kept this precious secret for a long time now--years in fact. But, that's what it is: precious. It's hard to keep something so valuable locked away, yet it's equally difficult to place it in vulnerability. So, for now, the details of the vision must stay just between us.
Between my Father and myself.
He whispered the treasure to my heart, and it seems best to keep it there a bit longer. Actually, it's an honor to cherish this in a quiet place. Only He knows the full picture, and He reveals a bit more as time passes. The conversations we have about it are at times joyful...or tearful...or just plain honest.
The vision looks different now than when I first saw it. It hasn't changed. Rather, He has refined it. It's almost as if He has drawn back the curtain inch by inch by inch--I see more of the promise each time. It was beautiful to behold when I viewed only a sliver. It made me catch my breath! Yet, now I see a bit more, and it is amazing! The curtain is not fully open, however. Not yet.
There is hardship in the waiting. Sorrow and impatience--intense longing, really. And there is peace, though I tend to worry...often...and my serenity melts. But I don't want to insist on receiving only the foretaste of the vision and miss living in the full revelation of the promise.
Waiting. Waiting. Holding my breath. Rejoicing. Waiting. Fussing and fretting. Repenting. Waiting.
There will be hardship in the reality of the answered word, as well. The calling is a sacrifice. I confess there are times when the seeming enormity of the calling worries me. On my own, I am inadequate. Thus, this is a time of preparation. This is a blessing. This is where I learn dependence on the Lord. This is what I need to be ready and willing to take on the mantle of the calling.
Waiting. Remembering...to breathe, to pray, to prepare, to rest. Waiting. Trusting? Yes, making the attempt at living trustfully. Is that a word?
How I wish I could shout from the rooftops what I know. Unburden my heart, share my awesome news. But it's not time. This has to stay just between us.
Is that such a bad thing? I don't think so. Our culture is all about instant gratification, instant media, instant...me, me, me. Somewhere in the midst of all this instant distraction, we've forgotten our ability to be quiet until the time is completed, until the moment of truth has arrived.
Are you in the same place as I? Be patient. Be circumspect. Keep the beautiful secrets of your Father's heart until He gives the assurance that now is the time to run to the highest mountains and shout them at the top of your lungs. Don't miss out on the gift of intimacy with His heart, His plan. This gift doesn't come every day. At some point, everyone will know what He has whispered to you, and the news will lose some of its sheen, its sparkle, in the retelling of the story.
Embrace the waiting, the trusting, the promise on its way to being fulfilled.
